Curved Memories

Curve.  It makes me think of playing baseball with my dad.  I used to play when I was younger and still enjoy it.  I would go outside and play the game with him on the street or the backyard.  Even though we both knew that I wouldn’t really be able to play the sport when I got older competitively, we played on.  He taught me everything he knows about the game and showed me the proper technique to play well.

One day he came home from work a little late and with a big smile on his face.  He had something small and brown wrapped in a plastic Wal-Mart bag.  He uncovered it and handed me a small baseball mitt with my name on it.  I smiled and beamed with joy.  My mother behind me chuckled and gave me a hug.  Dad grabbed his mitt and ran outside with a baseball.  We played all the way until dinner time and had to go it.

Whenever I go back to my old house in America, I always go back and look at our old quoldisack; or as the kids on the block knew it, the Baseball Park.  We used to play games there, right outside Lynn and Joe’s house, the older couple that lived in a nice house with a beautiful garden.  My family became very good friends with them and so did all the kids.  Since their kids were all grown up and moved away, they missed having little kids around.  They treated all the kids that would stop by for lemonade and cookies like their grandchildren.  I love them and I am always so happy to go back and see them.  Anyway, they would tend the garden and watch us play.

Not many of the other kids were my age so I only had a few friends.  One of them, who was exactly my age lived across the road.  She was sweet and cute.  We were together since we were little babies and as our parents became good friends, so did we.  We would sometimes play with my Dad out on the street although it did have a slight down-hill curve to it.  Nothing mattered to me and her for we were together and having tons of fun.

Now when I return home, to that curved street, all I can think about are the people who stood here with me; Lynn and Joe, my neighbourhood friends, my relatives, my parent’s friends, dogs and cats, the people who lived on the opposite side of the road, Margaret, my Father, my Mother, my little sister, and me, most of us no longer there.  Margaret moved away to a bigger house to accommodate all her siblings (they are so cute!!).  Lynn and Joe are moving away too and he dogs and cats no longer go out to play with us.  Old memories will we never forget, on that curved, concreted black street world.

The Movie Review - Of Mice Of Men

I saw the move Of Mice Of Men and it really struck me because before that I had read the book in class.  Together we discussed the purpose of the film and what was like the book and what was not.  I really enjoyed the movie because as films always do, it drew me closer to the people I had been reading about.  I saw them in flesh and felt more attached to who they were.  When I re-read them in the book, I feel as though I know them more personally and we have a special connection.  :)

The movie really brought some things into clarity for me because the only two parts that I was confused about.  The first part that I was confused about was how Candy was involved in Lenny and George’s dream.  In the book, the dialogue and how that portrayed confused me and I didn’t really understand but in the film, the dialogue was a little simpler and the people there saying it makes it easier for me to visually portray it.  Also, when Lenny killed Curly’s wife.  In the book, I could barely visualize it because it happened so fast.  In the film, there was a deep visual aspect that allowed me to connect back to the book and see it actually happen based on the book’s dialogue and word choice.

Through the film, overall, it captured the spirit of the book and the main themes.  The strong bond between Lenny and George was portrayed beautifully because not only could the audience visually see the chemistry, there was also a good aspect of subtle humor between the two and family love.  Through the film, it actually showed and got into more depth about their relationship.  In the book, you just read about them always being together and looking out for one another but when Lenny was in Crook’s room, he defended Lenny with a fierceness in his eyes.  Also when Lenny was getting beaten up by Curly, George really had this helpless look in his eyes of hate and the need to go and help his friend.  Also, how the two moved brought to life their bond.

Sometimes in a film, the audience cannot understand the theme as well as they could if they read the book.  In other films, it is the other way around.  This film seemed to nicely balance the two.  One could still go see the film but then want to read the book after.  Some of the very physical scenes, in my opinion, were portrayed better in the film than the book and certainly the ending was more impactful in the book.

Pride

Sometimes people will ask me to explain what pride is.  Pride is something felt and not really meant to be understood.  That is the whole aspect of its existence.  It can be something dangerous and something tantalising.  Many things come along with pride and well, I wrote something about it in class and want to expand a bit more here:

Pride can be dangerous, as it is something to protect or respect.  It kills men through anger and hate but saves people through learning to manage those negative feelings.  As pride is something to be gained, it is also something that is to be understood.  To me, pride is just another feeling of self esteem but in a more honorary form.  It is similar to chivalry in my mind (as a fencer) because if someone wrongly shames you in a bout, your pride is stung by theirs so you want to regain your pride or honor.

I was once talking to my little sister about some topic that I knew a lot about.  I asked her something specific about it to tease her about how much she didn’t and that she should listen to her elders when they speak to her (all in good fun of course).  Much to my surprise, she got it right and talked as though she fully understood what I was talking and learning about.  We had been learning about eating right in healthy and she had learned more about proteins and carbohydrates than me!  When she outgrew me on the subject, my pride was stung and I felt bad about myself.  Sooner than I thought, I got to talk to her about a sport which she didn’t know about but instead of teasing her, I explained it to her so she would understand it and learn.

Also, there is the negative type of pride that certain people can posses.  It is when they stick their nose up at you or shame you for just being you.  This is because on the inside they are insecure but on the outside, they have built themselves a protective shell of this false pride emotion.  It makes them feel better than everyone else and to them, we are all just underlings.  Now, I once saw two girls, VERY popular girls walk past each other in the hallway (this was at another school).  They bumped into each other, thinking the other was going to move out of the way for them.  Clearly their egos were too high in the sky and they had too much false pride...

pride= doing something wrong and fessing up...

pride= doing the right thing even though it might hurt.....  why...

Although, pride does teach you to be humble. Perhaps one day we can let go of our pride because it also connects us back to our egos and that messy stuff. People who often disregard their own egos are the ones who are shunned of thought strangely of. I think those people should be commended for their sacrifice and brave standing on life. Are any of my readers one of them, because I always strive to be. I hope I will be when I am fully grown, ridden of my pride and concept of ego.

Getting Along With Someone

When I try to talk about this, one quote comes to mind: “climb into his skin and walk around in it” (from To Kill a Mocking Bird) and it means to think or see from [that/ a person’s] point of view and think on it a while.  It is significant to everyday life because as human beings, we are entitled to our own unique opinions, thoughts, and in order not to be judgmental or be judged, we must exercise this principle.

In my lifetime, I have had to deal with this quote directly.  I first found of it’s common theme through the Bible readings in church.  I was a little girl and I stumbled upon the actual passage when I would read between the pews.  In my life, I always try to understand other people before myself, finding out more about them and understanding the way they ‘tick’.  It does come in handy when you are talking about what you are passionate about because you can empathise with the other person or people listening.  From this one can alter what they are saying just slightly to capture your audience's attention.  For example, you would not cure the academic facilities if you were talking to the superintendent but you would explain the negatives and some positives.  Overall, this quote has allowed me to think through and deeply into what I say and how I share my ideas about the world and what we are doing on it.

Another time when I was slapped, one could say by this quote, was when I forgot about using or thinking about it.  I was much younger, elementary school, when I wanted to go down the slide first.  There was a little boy in front of me and I gently shoved him out of the way so I could go.  When I got home and told my mom about how I was always first on the slide.  She reminded me about this themed aspect of life from the quote.  Not only does it affect when we speak to people but also how we act and think about things or people.

10 Things to Do if You're Bored

Well, hi everyone.  From the poll I created, I found that my readers would like to hear more about this topic.  I find that this was the highest rated post so here it is...  XD

1. Don't have a bored mindset.  Then, everything becomes fun and not boring.
2. Listen to your favourite song/ type of music.
3. Invite friend(s) over.
4. Talk to your parents or siblings.
5. Go outside and play sports.
6. Create something (arts).
7. Play mind games or riddles with yourself.
8. Try to dance or do cool par-core.
9. Go out for a jog.
10. Write and think about life.

Personally, 10 is my favourite, as you all can tell.  :)

Well, that was short and sweet and if you guys enjoyed it, please comment and continue to rate the poll at the bottom of the blog.  This really help and thanks.  ;)

The Rise of Christianity

Factors of the Growth of Christianity

            Rome, the central, new-aged empire housed many races and many different people.  One type of these people were the Jews and they were given a prophecy that one day a king would deliver them from the hands of the Romans.  Today, Christianity seemed to have three main reasons why it spread and keeps spreading so fast across the world.  First was Jesus, the teacher who sparked the beliefs of the religion; second was his apostles or followers who carried on his teachings, and lastly was the global message taught.  The global message was the main factor that brought Christianity around the world and made it the number one religion of the world today because how Jesus brought us as human beings closer to the one thing that would grant us salvation.

           

The first major factor that allowed Christianity to spread was the leader or starter of Christianity, Jesus Christ.  As human beings, we seek the answers to major questions such as why are we here, how do we live, and is there a being or God bigger than ourselves?  Jesus preached about many of these answers and about God, his father.  No matter where he went, people understood him because what he said connects with everyone, no matter age, race, or gender. He even preached about ending sin and granting eternal salvation, two major topics hovering above people’s heads at that time.  Such teachings challenge Roman views on the afterlife and some of their important Gods, getting people’s attention.  Although, through preaching against some of the Jewish culture and belief, by 26 AD, “the chief priests of the Jews denied that Jesus was the Messiah. They said his teachings were blasphemy, or contempt for [or of] God.” – Blue Patterns book pg. 169.  Jesus’ teachings set the spark because he died for what he believed.  He was crucified and believed that he rose again from the dead.  Conquering death is something that all humans find fascinating and that today is something that make people inquire and curious about such a man and the religion Christianity, that followed his death.

Apostles' Journeys

Journeys of Paul and Peter

            In Jesus’ life, he had twelve apostles or disciples that were inspired to follow his teachings, thus one of the factors that spread Christianity all over the world.  They spread out all over the Roman Empire to preach the word of their teacher.  The two most famous apostles were Peter and Paul.  They went out and preached, conducted miracles, baptised new followers, and set up churches based on Jesus’ teachings, thus forming a large body of believers like themselves.  These disciples were similar to the kind of schools that Plato and Aristotle left behind in Athens, passing on his knowledge and teachings to the next generations.  Through the teachings of Jesus and the Apostles, Rome took its first step to making Christianity a global religion by officially recognising the groups of believers and grouping them together in a religion known as Christianity.  Emperor Constantine declared that the official religion of Rome would be from here on Christian, thus giving new Christians a place to escape from the oppression.  This attracted the attention from outer nations and groups, taking heed of the spread of the ‘Word’.  Even as Jesus did, some died for what they believed as martyrs because of Roman oppression.  With Christianity accepted now, they could speak freely and no longer hide their beliefs.  Kamikaze bombers and some terrorists were inspired by the term martyrs from Christianity and adopted it to themselves, as an example of global influence towards modern day.

            Today, Christianity has gotten all over the world because one of the major factors were the Pax Romana and how Jesus’ teachings reached the hearts and minds of the people. Originally, Rome was a vast Empire and stretched all over the world, even touching Asia.  During the Pax Romana, Peter traveled far and wide, spreading the word, bringing it to Asia, higher parts of Europe, and all the way down to Egypt.   Also during the Diaspora, the converted Christians and Jews set out all over the world, bringing their beliefs with them, much like missionaries today and began to convert people.  Throughout all of Jesus’ teachings, the main reason that people became Christians was because he preached that one should “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone hits you on the cheek, let him hit the other one too; if someone takes your coat, let him have your shirt as well,”   (BIBLE) Luke 6:27–31.  Jesus is saying here that one should not ever hate but try to understand or pity those who hate you.  Let them hate because as a Christian or follower, one should love infinitely as he did and as our Father does.   Jesus’ teachings will always be relevant.  Even today, this passage relates to many other religions for they have all come to a similar thing.  In Buddhism, another major religion, Siddhartha taught people to love each other and value all life because we are connected.  In even Hinduism, the main principle is to love because no matter what religion or race, we are all bound by the same humanity or karma.  We all are below something and that is what makes major religions spread and stand the test of time.  They all have the similar thing in common and that is that they answer major questions and spark people’s interest.

That is how major religions such as Christianity grow because the word spreads through people’s hearts and minds, “so then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God,” – (BIBLE) Romans 10:17.  This quote means that hearing Jesus’ words without faith could be meaningless but once there is faith in the heart, then true belief follows.  In Christianity, there first came Jesus and his teachings.  Then was the apostles that spread his teachings to people but the last is the most important factor of why this religion grew.  It really was because of the message Jesus Christ preached.  He answered some of the universal questions and brought us closer to the one true god.  The people heard his words and with enough faith caused the rise of another great religion.

Congrats Readers!!!!

Sup Readers!!!!!  This is for all you readers because today, at 9:53pm (here in Singapore), my blog got 1,000 page-views because of you guys and you guys alone!!!!  I am just overwhelmed and so happy for all you guys out there that enjoy my posts.  I feel like some people out there, some special individuals understand my way of thinking and keep coming back to this blog to read more.  :D  I feel such an internal peace because I know that my internal existence has some relevance to the world.

Now, if you all could be so kind as to let me know who out there appreciates my work here, could you scroll to the bottom of my blog to find a place to enter your email address.  Now, I am not a stalker and I am a teenage girl.  I am not going to spam you with emails either.  XD  It just lets you know when I post something new instead of heaving to check back every now and then.  Sometimes you could miss something.  :D

Also, there is a survey on the left hand side across from the email form.  PLEASE!!!!  VOTE ON WHAT I SHOULD POST NEXT BECAUSE THE VOTING ENDS IN 5 DAYS FROM NOW!!!!!!  Your comments really help me grow as a writer and lets you wonderful people out there tell me what to write on.  It connects me to you and lets me know that there are people who care.  Thanks again all of you amazing readers.  Just want to let you know that you guys make me feel awesome.  :D  Peace out and God bless.

Awakening of the Soul Part 1

Well, our souls are an important thing.  Now, scientists can tell us all they want that there is no proof of us having a soul but I think that is wrong.  Some scientists have seemed to have found some evidence of a soul but until science class teaches that we have a soul, I won't believe them.  Anyway, a soul is really something dangerous as it is beautiful and enticing.

A soul, to me, means a life force that connects us to everything under God or the Universe.  This life force connects us with animals, each other, and emotions.  From emotions comes right and wrong, as well as our morals so therefore there is no logistic place that stores our right and wrong sense or conscious.  So, without a soul, our bodies would be shells of worthlessness   I can prove this, not through experiments or numbers, but through two simple scenarios.

1.  Take an old oak tree.  On it are perhaps things written or smaller leaves budding, even vines tangling themselves around it.  When you look at this tree, you see many amazing and great things on it.  You can almost feel the tree breathe when you put your hands on it's wide trunk and smile, for it is rough bark letting you rest your delicate head on it.  The tree does not mind and does appreciate your life as much as its own.  We may think that animals or plants have no emotion but the true thing or object that no emotion is man-made things.  Take plastic.  If a tree is made out of plastic, we do not mind throwing it away or chipping it down.  Even if it did make oxygen and look nice, we would have no feeling towards it because it does not share the same this as we do.  No matter how many years science developed, no matter how good the technology is, we will never be able to implant a soul into something we have created.  We could perhaps give it emotions or program it to feel and move like us but it will never truly 'live'.  It's life is 'man-made' and synthetic.  Just like that plastic tree.  When we rest our head against it, it might fall over.  The real tree would stand firm to let us lean on it.  It would not let us fall over.  Life is one and one is all.

2.  When we die, and we all will, our bodies decay.  I believe that our bodies 'decay' and become disfigured because perhaps there is nothing in it that makes it breathe and feel alive.  Now, before you start laughing at me, think of this.  When we die, our body temp goes down because the heart stops beating and nothing is heating the body from the inside.  Even if you place the body in clothes and a heater, some part of the body will still be stone cold.  I believe that this warmth we feel and give everyday comes form our soul.  Our soul gives our bodies warmth of the heart and of the mind.  Now, I believe that the soul itself powers and gives our body fuel to think and do.  Now, don't get me wrong, I know that if we don't eat, we cannot physically do; I am not talking about that kind of 'do'.  I am talking about the emotional do and the phycological do.  If we are going to die, we want to live.  If we are hungry, we mentally think of eating or going somewhere to eat.  Now, some people might think of this as the subconscious but I agree and disagree.  The subconscious is really just the auto-piolet of the soul.  The soul is the complex emotional basis that even we cannot reach.  It is the thing that gives us our personality and our core morals.  It is the pure part of us, that no one can touch but those who we let.  This is our most guarded treasure.  We can change how we look and how we act but nothing can change what we truly feel and believe.  I believe this is something beautiful as it is dangerous.

I say dangerous because no one can really know exactly what we are thinking or feeling.  We are always two-faced but sometimes, to ourselves.  When someone lies to themselves, they are just being two-faced to themselves.  But, when the soul no longer is pure as it is when we are brought to terms with it, then things get dangerous   People change and become the people we hear about on the news.  For a cure of this, people seek religion, meditation, and all other things.  Some seek counselling and others seek companionship.  I think one should seek meditation.

Meditation is really just analysing your own thoughts in your own time and space in your soul's deep core.  To truly get to the core of yourself, it IS DIFFICULT!!  I myself have only achieved it once or twice.  Our present minds are always getting in the way, blocking us from our true reality.  We are muddled and confused because we cannot tap into that pure heart of ourselves.  Once you have at least once, you have accessed a bit more about yourself that no one can tap into.  Once that barrier is broken, you will not loose yourself in today's mumbo jumbo like Facebook, Twitter  Snap-chat, Halo, and all the rest of it.  I am not discouraging you to do that ( I do enjoy Halo and Age of Mythology...  XD) but just to be wary of how that could be influencing your true mind and life.  Now, it does affect certain people more than others but not just technology influence things do.  People can also to.  People that you would never expect to like your parents, friends, or even a complete stranger can change you for the better or the worst.

To truly tap into your soul, one should let these steps guide you:

• Get comfy.  :D
• Close your eyes.
• Be alone.
• Be at peace.
• Let the world surround you and wrap you into it's embrace because it DOES love you and value you.
• Let yourself breathe slow and steady.  Slow EVERYTHING down.
• Command your mind and DO NOT let it wander aimlessly.  Have a certain place you want your mind to go and send it there.  (Once there, let it circle around in itself until you find something you want to focus on.)
• Focus on your feelings and try to analyse them.  Ask questions like:

• Why do I feel like that?
• What could have triggered that?
• Is it me or them/ that?
• How could I better myself or let this feeling continue?
• Do I enjoy this feeling/ is it healthy and good for me?
• Do I feel at peace with this?
• By now, you should have experienced a wall or smokey black thing come over your eyes and into your soul.
• You should not be able to feel your physical body but now your emotional or mental body instead.
• Now, let that smokey black mist overwhelm you.  Welcome it because it is the gate to your soul.
• Let your mind wander through past memories for the first hall is the hall of memories.
• Then wander through hallways of the future and the present until you reach a mirror.  Now this mirror is not like all the rest.  It is a special one.  It reflects how your soul looks from the inside.  Now, if you conscious is truly not messing with your present state of mind, what you should see in the mirror is meant to be beautiful to you and you alone.  It should make you smile or laugh.,  It should fill you with awe and appreciation for what you see before you.  Now, you might not even see anything but you might feel something powerful, something new.  That also could be the mirror reflecting your true feelings about something.
• Then go through a doorway/ arch/ wormhole (it is different for everyone) to reach a small or big garden.
• This is the most beautiful garden you will ever see.  Let your mind not stray and you must stay on the unseen path.
• Do not take heed of the flowers and intriguing plants because these might be a trick to your 'darker side' or the 'evil' in you.  We all have it and do not be fooled by it.
• Then, find the biggest tree, the purest one, the oldest one.  This tree is your soul.  It is the tall, rooted one with the biggest, most welcoming leaves.
• Sit under it and rest in the shade.  Assume a meditation position under the tree and close your eyes.  Breathe slowly but really, here, you shouldn't have to 'breathe'.
• Let the roots move over you for this tree is alive and moving.  Let the tree bring you into it or close.
• Let the tree do as it pleases.
• Then feel the life energy flow into you and let your mind go blank.
• Whatever thought pops into your head here is what your soul is trying to say to you.
• Talk to it and let yourself truly hear it out.  Do not judge.  Do not be harsh.  Do not be hateful.  Do all but love and understand.  Your soul knows you best.  It is you, but yet it is almost always better.  It is your best teacher in the time of need.  It lets you grow.  One day you will go back to the tree and thank it but you will never leave it's embrace for there you will stay in Heaven.  Well, that is how I meditate and how I have achieved my opinions and thoughts on this blog.  That is how you truly awaken the soul and hear it out.  This is how you become aware and loving to all.  This is where you cleanse the hate and bad thoughts from your bodies to become purer and a better person.  Take heed and live, readers.  Do not be held back from this time of reflection and indulgence in the youth of your souls.

Unbroken, Forever Free

The people in the small cave scatter.  The soldiers crowd around us blocking the exits.  One of the soldiers clamp metal cuffs on my wrists, pinching my soft skin.

 “This one will make a great slave, why not request him to be sent to the Games?” growls one of the soldiers, glaring at me.  The other soldier nods and drags me away while the other draws his sword.  ‘My Lord in Heaven, protect those men and women.  I pray their deaths come quickly!’

I wake with a start.  The morning bell rings loudly, forcing me out of a painful sleep.  I look about me, trying to remember where I am but then it all floods back.  The Games, the training, the beatings, and the blood.  I creep down to kneel at my bed to pray.  Maximus stirs beside me, reaching for his helmet, always on his head.  He gets up and puts on the hard leather sandals meant for riding in.  He sticks his foot through the bars of our cell and looks towards his feet.  I get up and reach out to help my friend but one of the other gladiators shove me back.

 “What do you think you are doing, Christian mutt?  Let the blind do it himself!” sneers the Trainer.  He then removes the tightly bound black leather whip from his belt and swings it around, feeling the tip of the whip break the sound barrier as it comes crashing to the ground.  The crack echoing through the badly lit corridors of holding cells, more fit for animals than humans.
 “Get up, lazy slave!  More training today!”  I follow the gladiators out the cell and look at Maximus, who attempts to tie his straps together to hold his sandals in place on his foot.  I look around to see if anyone is paying me any mind.  I reach between the bars and tie up his shoes.  Maximus’ hands feel the distinct features of my face, my chiseled roman nose, my thick eye brows, my chapped lips, and my sunken in eyes.  I put my hand on the back of his neck and slowly bring his head to mine.
 “Meus frater,” I whisper in my native latin tongue.
 “My brother,” whispers Maximus back in slow Latin, as I imagine him smiling under his helmet, carved manually with no eye holes.  He is lucky, being a Dimachaerus and an Andabata, a gladiator who fought blind on horseback, wielding two short swords.
 “Christian!” hollers the Trainer, cracking his whip from down the hall.  I quickly jump to and hurry down the hall, nervously clutching my worn wooden cross, hanging low down on my belly.


As instructed we line up, shoulder to shoulder.  The highly muscular gladiators, graffitied with painful looking scars stand next to me, not showing me any acknowledgement.

“Start with mock fights!” barks the Trainer, glaring at Maximus.  He twitches in fear.  The Trainer takes his chance.

 “Was that fear, cripple?” he mocks, the other gladiators remain silent.  The Trainer tries again.

 “Perhaps you and your Christian friend should show us how creeps fight.  Arm the  Andabata with two wooden swords.”

 “What about my horse, Mars?”  The Trainer flicks his whip and the tip grazes Maximus’ chest, leaving a bright red mark.  Maximus steps back nervously.  Being a Velites, I am given a blunt trident and a loose rope, which I wrap loosely around my right wrist.  I look at Maximus, trying not to pity him.  He nervously swings his swords around his head.  I loudly place my steps in the shallow sands.  Maximus’ head sways rhythmically, moving in the direction of my loud, elephant like thumping.  I glance at the Trainer, my eyes hinting fear.  The Trainer just sneers.  I look back at Maximus.  He approaches bit by bit, silently creeping in the sand.  Then he swings his blade at my chest.  I do not flinch.  His wooden blade comes too fast.  I am hit.  I fall to the ground and Maximus pauses, one of his swords inches away from my own eyes.  The Trainer whirls his whip and it comes down hard on Maximus’ helmet with a clang.  He jumps back, frightened.  I stand and pick up my trident.

 “Fight Christian!  This fight was over too quickly!”  Maximus shakes his head and swirls his right sword.  He leaps in again and this time I move left.  I avoid Maximus’ blade but his left one catches me in the shoulder.  I stumble but do not fall.

 “Ease, brother,” murmurs Maximus in his scattered Latin.  I suddenly get a wicked idea.  As Maximus leaps in again, I stick out my foot and Maximus falls.  The gladiators whoop with pleasure.  I draw back.  This arena is poisoning me!  Not in the body but in the heart.  I try to help him up.  All I do is knock off his helmet and as it clatters to the ground, we all gasp.  Ragged scars run from Maximus’ lower cheek, all the way to his forehead, cutting deep gouges over his eyes.  Plain white eyes sockets look back at me, glazed over with a white liquid, keeping them forever open and unseeing.  God in Heaven!  What happened to this boy!?!  I grasp my wooden cross again, holding it tightly to my chest.  Then I see them, round poker marks, pressed deeply into the colored part of his eye.  His bright eyes now forever a dull white.  Maximus feels the warm sun beating down on his face and scrambles for his hemet.  I go in to help him but he pushes me away!

 “Tergum! Vos perfectus satis!  [Back!  You have done enough already!] ” he screams, tears coming from his damaged eyes.  The Trainer steps in and shoves Maximus away.  He picks up the helmet, throws it back on Maximus’ head and kicks him squarely in the chest.

 “There is a game tomorrow!  Eat well tonight.  There is beef, bread, pig, cheese, bird, and wine!  Eat your fill but be wary, do not let the wine go to your head!”  The Trainer dismisses the rest of the group but looks at me.

“Christian, come with me,” commands the Trainer, beckoning me with an icy finger.  The rest of the gladiators run off and grab wooden weapons, starting their own mock fight and some rest under the shade of the barracks.  I follow the Trainer back into the stables.  I follow the Trainer down the hallways until we reach a smaller courtyard.  He picks up a wooden sword and unhinges the black whip from his belt.

 “Fight me!” he orders, cracking the whip at my feet.  The Trainer throws me a wooden sword.  I look at it puzzlingly.  The Trainer glares.  I raise my sword and the Trainer lunges in, pushing my sword towards my face.  I hold it and push back, sending his sword off mine.

 “In the arena, your opponent will not be patient with you.  They will attack and attack again if you do nothing.  Now attack me.”  I throw my sword down.

 “No.”  The Trainer looks at me puzzlingly, his eyes wide in disbelief.

 “I said no.”  The Trainer’s face scrunches up and his whip lashes out.  He begins to beat me with his sword, hitting my back and head.  I cover my head with my arms and finally he stops.  I whip the blood from my lips and he looks at me.  His eyes settle on my cross, stained with blood.  He flinches and I nod.

 “My God does not permit me to harm any living thing, especially not man,” I smile, getting up.

 “I cannot understand you Christian people.  You all are such cowards and have no hearts.”

 “Fighting and drawing blood with swords is not having hearts.  We are not cowards either, just believers.”

 “Are you willing to die for what you believe?” asks the Trainer, his eyes testing me.

 “Yes.”

 “Then you shall get your wish in the arena tomorrow!” he cackles, throwing his wooden sword at me.  I bow my head and pray, harder than I have ever prayed before, praying for my soul’s strength.

I hold my cross to my chest as I am shoved towards the arena again by the Trainer, angrily brandishing his whip and hot iron, both having already decorated my back.  I  see Maximus in the arena, battling a Sagittarii, a mounted archer with very little armor.  I see the archer pull back his bow as Maximus rides blindly towards him.  I see the arrow fly towards Mars, Maximus’ black stallion.  I cannot move.  I am frozen in time.  I look away as I hear the panicked whinny and a thud, a metal helmet coming into contact with the hard sand.  I look back, seeing the Sagittarii draw his dagger.  He dismounts his mare and strides over to Maximus, lying on the ground in pain next to Mars.  Maximus strokes his dying companion, whispering words of love.  The horse looks at his rider for the last time and his head hits the sand, his life’s blood run out.  I begin to run towards my friend.  I must repay the kindness he showed me when I first arrived in the arena.  I begin to run, heading straight for Maximus’ opponent.  I hit him right in the chest, knocking him over with my body weight.  I raise my trident but realize it’s usefulness.  I cannot kill this man!  I would be as sinful as he.  I cannot.  I cannot!  The Sagittarii lies on the ground, staring at me.

 “Do it.  Do it!” he mocks, his eyes glazed over with madness.  I hold the trident over his neck.  What am I doing?  I cannot harm this man!  I will not!

I cast down the trident.

The Sagittarii looks at me, puzzled.

 “No!”  I turn away from him.  Behind me I hear a ‘thuck’.  Pain overwhelms my ribs and chest.  A burning sensation overcomes my mind and body.  My hands go to the pointed dagger protruding from beneath my ribs.  My blood runs down my tunic, soaking my legs and hands.  I fall to my knees but everything is already in slow motion.  I call out to Maximus.  He rushes to my side.  I feel his salty tears dripping onto my face.

 “Brother,” he whispers.  I smile, feeling weightless already.

 “Brother,” I say, my breath, shaky.  Maximus draws the dagger out.  Blood drips down my chin.  Maximus throws the dagger and it strikes the Sagittarii in the thigh.  He cries out and sinks to the ground.

 “You will be granted a place in the Warriors Fields in the Underworld,” smiles Maximus, tears still falling.  Thunder booms from the sky and the rain begins to fall.  The rain seeps into my wound and tickles my belly.  I pull my cross off my neck and place it in Maximus’ bloodied hands. He looks up at Caesar, his eyes pleading for his life.  A single tear drips from the mighty emperor's face and he nods.  I smile at Maximus for the last time.  My eyes slowly close and I sink off into darkness, no longer a world of pain.

As Maximus lays my body down in the soft soil besides his horse.  He takes the wooden sword, the symbol of Caesar's mercy.  He then ties my cross around his own neck and places two gold coins over my eyelids.

 “Christian, may your God grant you rest,” he says, bowing his head.  As he begins to cover my body, I feel fully at peace.  I finally know that we are both truly free.

Author’s Note

I wrote this story in the specific time period because I enjoy learning about gladiators.  While visiting Rome a few years ago, I participated in an educational gladiator training simulation for a whole day.  It was thrilling and I still remember it.  I was able to use the real weapons and armor and at the end we had our own little 'game'.  I was really fun but I can now better understand how the gladiators felt fighting for their lives.  That gave me the idea to research more into what went on ‘behind the scenes’ of the arena.  I found that many Christians were executed and by having Christian ties, I found my main character.  I found my resolution for Maximus' character because the Emperor had the power to spare gladiators he took a liking to them.

I noticed how many Christians will not harm another man so this seemed to fit my character and gave the story an ironic conflict.  Once creating the main character, I then created a character that needed his help.  The Christian needed to make a choice, to break his way of life or help his friend.  I ended both, as were the Christian helped his friend obtain his freedom and did not harm anyone.  This took his life but his freedom, not like Maximus, comes in a more realistic way.

For my research, I used many scattered sources but the ones I mainly used were articles on the type of language they used to call their weapons in the arena.  I did a lot of Roman history research on this topic in my free time and I have read the Historical Fiction novel, Gladiator, by Simon Scarrow which helped me see the lives gladiators lived when they weren’t fighting.

I decided to change my story around because most gladiators were fit and healthy, none were really blind or crippled in any way.  I wanted to put Maximus’ character in my story because it shows the cruelty of life and how not everyone is complete.  It seems to show where crippled or disabled people would end up in ancient times.

I hoped the reader would be left with thinking about choices.  Everyone has a choice but it depends on who you are.  The main choice the main character had to make was whether he was going to stay true to himself even if it involves taking some hard risks or to change who you are to ‘fit in’.

I did enjoy using some real Latin in my story.  I found it thrilling to have my characters speak to each other in latin because it was the language used and taught by the Romans.  Not everyone was educated enough to speak fluently, thus people like Maximus.  Certain phrases in Latin were common among the outsiders or foreigners and that is why I have my characters use those phrases.

After the Christian dies, Maximus pleads for his life in the arena when the Sagittarii comes back to kill him.  The emperor spares his life and lets him go free.  Maximus takes the bodies of his companions and takes them elsewhere to be buried.  After Maximus buries his friends, he goes to Crete and makes a living there as a palace guard, living peacefully until he dies of old age.  Although, he never forgets the Christian and wears his cross the rest of his life, not harming anything until he dies.